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Marriage Separation


Marriage separation occurs when a couple feels unable to live together in the same home or when one spouse feels that way. It can lead to a divorce or it can lead to a better marriage, depending on the circumstances, your feelings and how you deal with it. Marriage separation can be legal separation (which you have to pay for) or just one person moving out of the family home. Some countries require a couple to be legally separated for a period of time before applying for divorce.

Marriage separation gives you a taste of what divorce might be like. You might feel better when you are separated or you might miss your spouse and realize you need to work on your marriage to save it. No matter why you are living apart, the fact remains that you are still a married couple.

Divorce takes a long time but marriage separation can be immediate in some cases. After a particularly bad row, one spouse might throw some possessions into a bag and head off to a friend's house. You can be separated within a few minutes. The separation will probably cool each spouse down and give them time to think about what has gone wrong and what needs to be done, without the other spouse being there. If there are children involved, the couple might want to separate so the children are not exposed to the constant arguing and fighting. Sometimes one spouse moves out to shock the other into thinking about saving the marriage or a spouse finds out about an infidelity and demands that the other spouse leave immediately. Separation is usually done when one or both partners feels they have no alternative but to live apart.

A trial marriage separation can help a couple in the long run or it can destroy the marriage completely, particularly if one spouse meets a new partner while they are separated. Separating is not the first step to try when your marriage seems to be hitting the rocks. Communication and marriage therapy are often tried first, but sometimes a separation, albeit a temporary one, is inevitable.

Here are some tips if you are separated from your spouse:

• You need to talk with your spouse about your individual goals. What has gone wrong? Can you solve your differences another way?

• Agree not to have sexual relationships or date anyone else while you are separated.

• Set a time period for the separation, such as two months for example. At the end of the agreed upon time, you can look at the situation again and decide what to do next.

• Agree to try marriage therapy to address the main problems in your marriage and see what has caused the conflict. You might want to try individual counseling as well.

• Try to agree on guidelines, such as how much contact you will have with one another during the separation and what type of contact it will be. If one spouse is constantly phoning the other, this isn't going to reduce the conflict and give you time to breathe and reflect on the situation.