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Why Divorce is Not the Answer



Although divorce might be the only option if you marriage cannot be saved, it can also be avoidable. If there is any hope left for a floundering marriage, it is worth trying to save it. This will require a lot of compromise and communication from both spouses. Divorce can be emotionally traumatic and financially devastating and if there is a chance it can be saved, it is always better to try.

Some couples get divorced, realize they are unhappy and get remarried. Surely all this pain could be saved if they had tried to save their marriage beforehand, rather than letting it get so bad?

Marriage requires ongoing commitment from both parties. Nobody is perfect and it is possible to live with your partner, even if things that he or she does annoy you. We all have our little idiosyncrasies but we don't do annoying things to bother our partner. They are just part of who we are. The reason behind many couples wanting to divorce is neglect. If they have not worked at their marriage and one feels neglected (or they both do) they might immediately think that divorce is the only answer, rather than try to improve the marriage.

Divorce doesn't always solve the problems it is meant to. People usually divorce because their marriage isn't working or because they want to be with another partner. When someone feels unhappy, it is common to blame their spouse. They might think they would be happier if their spouse was more attentive, more communicative or more of something else, rather than look at themselves and wonder how to bring about the changes they desire.

If a couple divorces because they do nothing but argue, these arguments might well persist after the divorce. This is especially the case if there are children involved. Having children is not a reason to stay together if the marriage isn't working out because it is healthier for children to be brought up in an argument-free, happy home, but if you share children, you are still going to have to see one another and communicate about them. Your spouse will always be the parent of your children and you will not be able to cut ties with them completely, unless one spouse wants to sever their ties completely.

No matter how attractive the prospect of divorce seems, there are usually feelings of sadness and remorse about the marriage gone wrong, especially if the marriage has been a long one. People who are divorcing are often too angry and bitter to acknowledge remorseful feelings until the divorce is over. Looking at photos of great vacations and occasions or reading old love letters will bring about sad feelings and make you feel the loss. Even when you are both certain you want a divorce, these feelings of loss and sadness will be with you. Do you really want to throw away your marriage without trying everything to save it first?

Marriage therapy is worth a try, if nothing else seems to work, to strive for a better relationship. Sometimes it helps to have a third party, who can mediate and draw the problems out of each spouse. When couples argue, they are often defensive and accusatory and reluctant to say how they really feel. A marriage counselor can keep the atmosphere calm and ask the right questions, which often results in more honestly and the couple being able to understand the problems or worries they each have.

No matter what has gone wrong in your marriage and who has done what, it is always worth trying to salvage it before rushing into a divorce which might not be the right step after all.